The anger of man.

"Know this, my beloved brothers: Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20 (ESV).

this mug sits on my desk at work. sometimes it has black tea in it. most of the time it has the office's weak coffee. but every time, my manager walks by and stares intently at it. he laughs at my querying look and says "I see 'quick to hear' and 'slow to speak'... I'm figuring out your mug a little at a time."

this mug is a reminder for me.

believe it or not, I can be a very angry person. my family can attest to it. my boyfriend can attest to it.

praise God, He has brought me far from what I used to be.

but that doesn't mean He's done with me.

when I get angry, sometimes furious, over anything at all, it proves that I think I possess some inalienable rights. as an American, I've had this concept drilled into my thoughts and actions since preschool. I have a right to think what I want, I have a right to say what I want, and I have a right to get what I inevitably deserve.

but I don't.

I wrote another blog post on the false concept of rights for a Christian, so I won't go into that. but anger is simply the reaction I have to any of my perceived rights being taken away.

I deserve to be happy in my relationship.

I deserve to have a perfect job.

I deserve to be comfortable and not be pressured by family needs.

I deserve to call the car my car, even though I don't own it.

and then there are the subtle things, that, back in October, I never would have noticed. (again, praise God).

like...

I deserve respect.

I deserve being first in everything.

I deserve the world revolving around me.

and like a baby, I throw a temper tantrum about it.

I'm not the type of person who yells and flails about in anger. I internalize it. I fume and boil and think hateful things. I sometimes shake with fury. I'll clamp up and not say a word until I can deliver the perfectly targeted zinger.

I'm disgusting, basically.

I'm happy to say that this is no longer the norm. I used to be like this and simply blow it off as "my bottle overflowing".

God opened my eyes. with a 2 x 4. across my face.

and realized what I really deserved.

hell.

but I still trip over my own pride and really, really, really want to get angry about it.

so this mug reminds me that I don't deserve to be angry. and that as a child of God, I shouldn't allow it to overcome me. because "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God". and after all, a believer's mission in life is to produce and proclaim the righteousness of God.

let us all be quick to hear. slow to speak. and slow to anger.