Meditate on it day and night.

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; do not let me wander from Your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You. Blessed are You, O Lord; teach me Your statutes. With my lips I have told of all the ordinances of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, as much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts and regard Your ways. I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word." Psalm 119:9-16 (NASB).

I learned a lot of things today.

I probably learned the most from one question my dad asked me. one of many questions I should have asked myself a long time ago.

"why do you believe in Limited Atonement?"

granted, this isn't your normal Sunday School question. but, raised in a home grounded in biblical, reformed faith, I should have known the answer. I probably could have answered this question back in grade school, when I would memorize the Shorter Catechism and sweat my way through my presentation of it every Sunday morning.

unfortunately, the habit didn't stick.

so I sat and stared hopelessly at the dashboard, dreading to ask the stupidest question of my life.

"so, I'm sure I know what atonement is, I just don't remember exactly what the specific term... means."

the stunned silence could have been a slap on the mouth. oh boy.

you might think my dad was unkind in asking me an unfair question. after all, I'm a believer, why do I have to spit back textbook answers about the doctrine I believe in? I believe it because it's in the Bible, isn't that enough?

not really.

dad pointed out that if I believe it, I should know it. I should be able to refer myself to the passage of Scripture and assure myself that I'm not deceived. because we all know that sometimes the greatest trickster is ourselves.

my pride was badly injured. but, as I mentioned in yesterday's blogpost, God recently brought to me the harsh reality of my selfish anger and has graciously been teaching me to be more like Him. so (praise God), I bit my lip and thought about it.

I was upset. crying, actually. partially from my busted balloon. but partially (praise God) because I was convicted.

everyone has issues reading God's word on a daily basis and being 100% interested in it. obviously. it's our sinful nature. but that is no excuse for me to not be reminding myself daily, weekly, monthly, annually of why I believe what I believe.

why I believe in Total Depravity, Unconditional Election, Limited Atonement, Irresistible Grace, and Perseverance of the Saints. (Calvinism).

why I believe the Bible is the very words of God.

why I believe in believer's baptism and not paedo (infant) baptism.

why I believe in waiting for marriage.

why I believe that homosexuals don't go to heaven.

no, knowing the references to these are essential to my salvation. but I claim to be saved, so why can't I answer the actually simple questions about my faith when I have the Bible sitting next to my bed and a lifetime of biblical teaching ringing in my ears?

it's the common plight of many children raised in a Christian home. I understand and agree with and actually believe the truth of the Bible, but I can barely articulate it.

so here are my new best friends, joined always with my Bible. with these I pray to become less vague about my faith.

P.S.: this video swept the Internet about a month or so ago. while there is some truth to be had in what he says, I know I can never fully agree with him, especially after what I learned today. biblical religion and doctrine divides the 60% of Americans who say they're Christians from the less than 30% who can actually explain the gospel and find it in the Scriptures. let us all be discerning, like the Bereans.

Weekend Factoid #2: Model vs. Proverbs 31

Kylie Bisutti, a former Victoria's Secret model, has quit her job.

and models around the world, zealous for the coveted "Victoria's Secret Angel" spot Bisutti once had, all cry, "say what?!"

Kylie Bisutti says it best:

"I selfishly desired the attention that I was getting and I gave in to worldly ways… UNTIL I had a very gracious and convicting AWAKENING!

"The Lord knocked me off my feet and showed me where to find true happiness and self worth. How to be truly beautiful (which has NOTHING to do with external beauty) and most importantly how to truly live a life for Him and His glory and not my own.

…"So, I stopped modeling lingerie, and skimpy bathing suits. I told myself I would never be on a men’s magazine again, and I decided to be more modest in the way that I dressed. I don’t want to be known as a sex symbol or lingerie model.

"I desire to be known as a woman who fears the Lord."

Shannon Stewart, a fellow Christian model, encourages Kylie to continue in her endeavors to fight the stereotype of today's models and present a picture of godly modesty.

Shannon herself struggled while on the cast of America's Next Top Model. pressure from Tyra Banks and the photographers resulted in a couple of skimpy photos, but God graciously recovered her, and Shannon also saves her body for her husband.

***P.S.: I would suggest not searching for "Shannon Stewart" on Google Images. there are a couple of different Shannon Stewarts, and the majority of pictures that will show up are not the Shannon in this article. there is a link to the good Shannon Stewart's website attached to her name above.***

For the article on Kylie Bisutti: http://blog.chron.com/believeitornot/2012/02/christian-victoria-secret-model-quits-to-be-a-better-wife-role-model/


For the article on Shannon Stewart's encouragement: http://blog.godreports.com/2012/02/victoria-secret-model-quits-career-vows-to-honor-god-and-her-husband/

The anger of man.

"Know this, my beloved brothers: Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20 (ESV).

this mug sits on my desk at work. sometimes it has black tea in it. most of the time it has the office's weak coffee. but every time, my manager walks by and stares intently at it. he laughs at my querying look and says "I see 'quick to hear' and 'slow to speak'... I'm figuring out your mug a little at a time."

this mug is a reminder for me.

believe it or not, I can be a very angry person. my family can attest to it. my boyfriend can attest to it.

praise God, He has brought me far from what I used to be.

but that doesn't mean He's done with me.

when I get angry, sometimes furious, over anything at all, it proves that I think I possess some inalienable rights. as an American, I've had this concept drilled into my thoughts and actions since preschool. I have a right to think what I want, I have a right to say what I want, and I have a right to get what I inevitably deserve.

but I don't.

I wrote another blog post on the false concept of rights for a Christian, so I won't go into that. but anger is simply the reaction I have to any of my perceived rights being taken away.

I deserve to be happy in my relationship.

I deserve to have a perfect job.

I deserve to be comfortable and not be pressured by family needs.

I deserve to call the car my car, even though I don't own it.

and then there are the subtle things, that, back in October, I never would have noticed. (again, praise God).

like...

I deserve respect.

I deserve being first in everything.

I deserve the world revolving around me.

and like a baby, I throw a temper tantrum about it.

I'm not the type of person who yells and flails about in anger. I internalize it. I fume and boil and think hateful things. I sometimes shake with fury. I'll clamp up and not say a word until I can deliver the perfectly targeted zinger.

I'm disgusting, basically.

I'm happy to say that this is no longer the norm. I used to be like this and simply blow it off as "my bottle overflowing".

God opened my eyes. with a 2 x 4. across my face.

and realized what I really deserved.

hell.

but I still trip over my own pride and really, really, really want to get angry about it.

so this mug reminds me that I don't deserve to be angry. and that as a child of God, I shouldn't allow it to overcome me. because "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God". and after all, a believer's mission in life is to produce and proclaim the righteousness of God.

let us all be quick to hear. slow to speak. and slow to anger.

Hiatus

it's been a while.

I'm sorry for just dropping this blog like hot potatoes, but I needed to break off from it.

frankly, I feel I was on my high horse back when I was writing this blog. I wasn't really trying to be, but then, who is? I feel this blog should take a different turn.

I hope you are blessed by it!